So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize