9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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