u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
