I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
