I didn't shave. On purpose
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
