I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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