Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
