also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
