im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
did i walk over a car last night?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
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