ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
