I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
