I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
