so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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