Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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