And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
nutella sex= disaster
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
