Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
