so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
