: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i now understand why vodka
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
