He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
