new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
