Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
