lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
