I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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