I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
