areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
