So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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