if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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