the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
