I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
