I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
