I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
