just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
