What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Randomize
