If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
