i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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