I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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