i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
