How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
