would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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