Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
