I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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