Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
