That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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