do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
