Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
