I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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