everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
