My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
