If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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