I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
