ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Your topless pictures make me question reality
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
