Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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