Quick, to the slutcave!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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