He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
