we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
