I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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