Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
