Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
