a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
