I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
