one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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