Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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