why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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