I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
