i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
