so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
