I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
They are going to name an STD after you.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
