So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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