Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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