Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
