hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
