Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
