Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
is wine microwaveable?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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