i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
