...so i touched it.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
