ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
